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I find it difficult to express myself when things are at their worst. Instead, I recoil into my own mind and stew over things until I can either move past them or ‘get over it’. That’s been me the last week or so. Dropping myself into World of Warcraft as an escape when I’m home, and either working on school work or writing fiction in my free time.
Of course, it’s around dad. This new chemo hits him a lot harder than the last two he had, and the fact he is going every week now versus the every other week with the other treatments, is really deteriorating him faster. He was looking so good and doing so well the last year, but in the last two months since on this new treatment, it’s like night and day. He’s always in bed, he doesn’t want to eat (because he just can’t—everything makes him nauseous or throw up), he has no energy, the other treatments didn’t make him lose his hair except a very little in the very beginning, but now he is completely bald ): And wears a cap all the time. He always looks pale and just so very very tired. Two nights ago he was in bed with a lot of stomach pains, and no matter what we did for him, he didn’t feel better. It’s just so hard to watch him like this and I can’t help but cry whenever I get a moment to myself to really just be alone. I try not to let myself be alone though … hence the always playing WoW now, or trying to always be around someone else…because it forces me to be strong and not cry.
I’m so glad I am in school though. It’s amazing how much thinking about assignments or working or reading for class distracts me. If I think too hard, I just might end up in the looney bin.
This of course means I’ve been a shitty friend because I’ve been neglecting my friend’s page. My sincerest apologies ): I hope to get back to being better about that soon.
In other borning news, we’ve gotten a crapton of snow. The storm they said was supposed to be snowgeddon and ended up not being much? It came the following Monday when they said we weren’t going to get all that much and to not worry – ended up getting almost 2 feet! Everything is piled high on street corners making it almost impossible to see around, and I’m amazed I don’t see more accidents on the road due to that. Worst part? It’s snowing again this morning (only a few inches today to stop at 11am) …but supposedly it’s going to start snowing Saturday night and basically not stop until Tuesday night. Yeah. I don’t know how ‘much’ snow its supposed to be each day (if just a little flurry here and there, but definite snowfall) or if it will be a full blown snow storm for the those days … I really hope its not the latter. While I like a storm here and there to miss a day of work, I do not like having THIS much snow ruining morning and afternoon commutes for days on end. Ugh.
It does make for a pretty landscape where is untouched by road salt and dirt, and cars plowing through it on a daily basis. I might (if I actually feel like getting cold and probably soaked) take my camera and go out to a nearby park Saturday and snap some photographs. I haven’t done that in years and I am kind of itching to. If it’s bad out though on Saturday, I most likely won’t. While I trust MY driving (duh) … I really don’t trust other people’s (:D).
AND, I just made it in time to check in at![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
getyourwordsout for my 200K pledge. So far this year I've written a total of 19,647 words! That includes the book I'm writing plus the short story I shared here earlier in the month about Zombies.
Of course, it’s around dad. This new chemo hits him a lot harder than the last two he had, and the fact he is going every week now versus the every other week with the other treatments, is really deteriorating him faster. He was looking so good and doing so well the last year, but in the last two months since on this new treatment, it’s like night and day. He’s always in bed, he doesn’t want to eat (because he just can’t—everything makes him nauseous or throw up), he has no energy, the other treatments didn’t make him lose his hair except a very little in the very beginning, but now he is completely bald ): And wears a cap all the time. He always looks pale and just so very very tired. Two nights ago he was in bed with a lot of stomach pains, and no matter what we did for him, he didn’t feel better. It’s just so hard to watch him like this and I can’t help but cry whenever I get a moment to myself to really just be alone. I try not to let myself be alone though … hence the always playing WoW now, or trying to always be around someone else…because it forces me to be strong and not cry.
I’m so glad I am in school though. It’s amazing how much thinking about assignments or working or reading for class distracts me. If I think too hard, I just might end up in the looney bin.
This of course means I’ve been a shitty friend because I’ve been neglecting my friend’s page. My sincerest apologies ): I hope to get back to being better about that soon.
In other borning news, we’ve gotten a crapton of snow. The storm they said was supposed to be snowgeddon and ended up not being much? It came the following Monday when they said we weren’t going to get all that much and to not worry – ended up getting almost 2 feet! Everything is piled high on street corners making it almost impossible to see around, and I’m amazed I don’t see more accidents on the road due to that. Worst part? It’s snowing again this morning (only a few inches today to stop at 11am) …but supposedly it’s going to start snowing Saturday night and basically not stop until Tuesday night. Yeah. I don’t know how ‘much’ snow its supposed to be each day (if just a little flurry here and there, but definite snowfall) or if it will be a full blown snow storm for the those days … I really hope its not the latter. While I like a storm here and there to miss a day of work, I do not like having THIS much snow ruining morning and afternoon commutes for days on end. Ugh.
It does make for a pretty landscape where is untouched by road salt and dirt, and cars plowing through it on a daily basis. I might (if I actually feel like getting cold and probably soaked) take my camera and go out to a nearby park Saturday and snap some photographs. I haven’t done that in years and I am kind of itching to. If it’s bad out though on Saturday, I most likely won’t. While I trust MY driving (duh) … I really don’t trust other people’s (:D).
AND, I just made it in time to check in at
getyourwordsout for my 200K pledge. So far this year I've written a total of 19,647 words! That includes the book I'm writing plus the short story I shared here earlier in the month about Zombies.
